I’m usually pretty good at not taking things personally.
I’m usually pretty good at saying, “It’s okay.” And meaning it.
Shaking things off, letting them roll off my back, letting bygones be bygones, turning the other cheek, walking a mile in someone else’s shoes.
Maybe it’s because I’m pretty sure the saying “You never know what someone else is going through” was invented to describe me and my erratic behavior at times. I know what it’s like to inadvertently step on others’ toes because I’m too physically and emotionally spent to watch where I’m going. So usually I’m pretty good at gladly allowing others the same grace.
Or maybe it’s because I’m usually pretty good at armoring-up in most situations. I tell myself that it’s perfectly normal for people to cancel plans at the last minute, rush through niceties, arrive late, forget to call. (I like to call this pragmatism, but it could also just be old-fashioned fear of getting hurt.)
In any case, today I got caught unexpectedly. Vulnerable, I felt my heart squeeze up with little girl tears collecting in my throat. I rushed to hit the Back button, to run away from the raw stinging flush of hurt.
If I were my own friend, I would counsel: Tell the truth when you’ve been hurt. Reach out. Don’t pretend. Clear the air.
I’m usually pretty good at giving advice. Too bad I’m not always brave enough to take it.
You expressed this perfectly…”I felt my heart squeeze up with little girl tears collecting in my throat.” I am sorry your feelings got hurt and it is human to feel vulnerable about it. You will take the wise counsel you gave yourself in time but I think sometimes we are too hard on ourselves. Sometimes I have such unrealistic expections of myself to be able to move too fast beyond the experience when I get my feelings hurt. Writing helps me I trust it did you, too. Hang in there.
I am with you and understand. Why do we do this to each other? I was hurt recently and happened to find while cleaning out magazines this Eckhart Tolle quote, “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.” I needed to hear that. Of course, changing your thoughts can be very difficult, but another piece of advice from my late father-in-law, “Nothing is ever as bad or as good as it first seems.” I appreciate you expressing yourself so honestly.
You did an amazing job describing this terrible event.
Vulnerable, I felt my heart squeeze up with little girl tears collecting in my throat. I rushed to hit the Back button, to run away from the raw stinging flush of hurt.
Those two sentences were so emotionally charged. A few months ago I was in a situation where I did not speak up. My daughter was with me and it made me realize that I need to speak up not only for myself, but also as an example to my daughter.
Wow…such a beautifully written post! This captures your feelings perfectly. I’m sorry you had a rough day and I hope tomorrow is better. I like your advice. Be brave and take it. Maybe they don’t realize what they did.
Choose kindness, too bad not everyone makes that choice. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
What a well written post! Is’t it interesting how our emotions can influence the quality of our posts. I find that I can write much more when I am emotionally charged about something.
I love your style of writing and particularly the little girls tears part. I suffer from the same issue when I am hurt and my body goes in to overdrive to prohibit the little girl tears from going any higher than my throat.
I am hoping that you can move on from this and I applaud your ability to remain seemingly calm and not lash out with anger.
I am giving a virtual hug to you
Yes, well written – my fists were clenching and my throat closing, and my hot, hot cheeks were burning.